Driving To Work

Driving To Work

Getting The Drive To Get Back To Work

My First Time Driving In Portland

I flew into Portland for the first time to attend one of my daughter’s basketball game. I was greeted at the car rental counter by a wonderful person named Kristen who not only selected the car I wanted but also was able to give me some tips about driving in Portland, like not getting in trouble for pumping your own gas. That was intriguing to me, and because I often struggle with the fact that rules don’t necessarily apply to me (rules like you can’t succeed because you’ve never done it before), my first inclination was to find a gas station to see just how true this was.

Instead, I just let it go and said to Kristen, “Well, I’ve been married for over 20 years, so I’ll just do as I’m told.” Suddenly, it was as if I pushed Kristen into an alternate universe as I noticed her eyes looking inward and she said under her breath but audible enough for me to hear, “I was married for 20 years once.”

Before I could think to leave it alone, I asked this Carol-Ann-Brady-Bunch looking lady what happened. “Abuse,” was all she said, and she went back to work finishing my rental just as cheery as she could be.

My stay in Portland was for just a few days, but Kristen made such an impression on me that when I returned the car, I left her a note asking her if she would be willing to share some of her story for this article. I primarily wanted to know how she was able to move past a 20-year abusive marriage to a point where she’s working at a job she loves and making people like me have a great car rental experience.

Kristen was eager to share her story believing that if she could help one person move past an abusive situation, then it would all be worth it. Here’s her story…

Driving Out Of A 20-Year Marriage

I was a stay-at-home mother, so I spent a lot of time taking care of three children, doing all of the cooking and cleaning and catering to the family’s needs. My husband at the time was on this two-year cycle of abuse where he would be a good husband and father for a while, but then about the second year he would spiral into this cycle of abuse. He went through anger management twice, but he still lost it with me every two years or so. I really wanted my marriage to work and my family to stay together, so I stayed in the marriage hoping and believing that it would get better.

At one point in the marriage the abuse was so bad that I suffered a stroke or had something that mimicked a stroke, which caused me to lose my memory for a time. That was one of the lowest points of my life because I could not function properly for myself or for my family that needed me. To this day the doctors haven’t figured out what caused my memory loss.

The breaking point was when my ex-husband abused my daughter. I knew right then I had to leave him. I was very confused and distraught after that happened to my daughter. After I left it felt like I had been in a time-capsule for 20 years and just thrown out into a world I didn’t know. A part of it was my fault for chasing family and friends away in order to insulate the abuse in my marriage, but that is another story in and of itself.

Getting Back Into The Driver’s Seat

After leaving my ex-husband I was in a fog, losing the ability to think, having a hard time trying to speak, not being able to see pictures clearly in my head, and having trouble walking or even standing. I couldn’t drive very well because I was experiencing tunnel vision, not being able to see to my left or my right.

I had to rebuild my strength by starting with one single thought in my mind. I had to reteach myself all of the things I use to take for granted, and it took a great deal of determination to convince myself that failure was just not an option.

My children needed a home, and I had to provide it. I needed to get a job to support them. I remember pacing around the trailer that my kids and I lived in for a couple of years giving myself a pep talk to do whatever I needed to do to get a job. I would coach myself in what I would say and what I would do in an interview, all the while coping with major health issues.

I started applying for a number of jobs, but I quickly realized that they were not a good fit for me. Most of them were labor-intensive jobs, but I needed one that was more mentally challenging. I landed a job at Alamo that was challenging and fun and allowed me to interact with people in ways that were healthy. Getting the job was a lengthy process and required an extensive background check and multiple interviews, but it was worth it. I started as a full-time greeter and quickly moved up to the Counter Agent position. I’ve been with Alamo for two years now, and I enjoy what I am doing so much that this job just might turn into a career.

Driving Lessons Learned

I can honestly say that when I check the rearview mirror of my life over the past two-plus decades, there are some lessons that I have learned.

Be grateful for the simple things. What I am the most grateful today is that I am alive and able to take care of my children. I am certainly grateful today for my health today. And I am definitely grateful for my secure job at Alamo which allows me to support my family. Each time I reflect on the things that I am grateful for it makes me happy and gives me strength to work through the tough times.
Understand that difficulties are inconvenient, but not catastrophic. Although my memory loss was very difficult to go through, I now have to say that it was a positive thing. It gave me the opportunity to give life another chance and make it whatever I wanted it to be. It is kind of exciting because I have learned how to change and alter my way of thinking to create good, happy, positive thoughts and fine tuning myself in many other ways. It took everything I had in my power to get help with my mental health and physical issues. I had to dig deep within my inner self and by doing so it made me STRONGER! Understanding this about my memory loss helps me to put the inconvenient things that I am going through right now in perspective.
Determine today to do the very next thing that has to be done tomorrow. To find my inner self, I had to get rid of outside stimuli and focus on what I needed to do today to be able to wake up and get things done tomorrow. I was determined to talk to myself and encourage myself as often as I had to, and to rid myself of negative influences that attacked me. Once I did that I went into “Game On” mode and taught myself not to accept the word can’t. This is something that I am determined to do everyday and it has helped me to get through a lot of tough stuff. You have to work at it; determination doesn’t happen on its own.
Enthusiastically do every job well. I prepared for the interview at Alamo by getting good coaching from a manager who saw how enthusiastic I was about the job. When they asked me why I wanted the Counter Agent position, I responded with an enthusiastic adrenaline that I used when doing the sales portion of my job. I was soon hired as a Counter Agent. I find that enthusiasm is an antidote to the nagging feelings of regret that I still have to sort through. It also helps when I do things that I really like, such as reading, running, cooking, playing the flute, and taking care of my pets at home. I also like to travel and soak up new cultures while creating memories. At the end of the day, when I do a job well done, it sparks a passion in me to keep up the good work.

Driving The Point Home

I am still learning as I drive along this road called life. One thing I can say is that my children are my heroes. Just thinking about them helped me get through the hard times. I didn’t have a choice, I had to do it for them if they were going to have any redeeming quality of life after the divorce.

They taught me that love is a commitment, and forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting but moving on to the next chapter. I’ve put a lot into healing, and by doing this, I got dealt a re-do card in life. I lost everything including my memory and health. I had to overcome so much that I don’t believe in the word can’t anymore. Because of all this, I am a believer that you should never underestimate your ability to accomplish anything, and that you can be successful in whatever it is you want to.

I hope that my story helps someone so that they do not sell themselves short and settle for less, but that they think things through because they are worth so much more. So, don’t just sit in a parked car when you have someplace to go; turn on the ignition, place the car in gear, and drive off. Trust me, arriving at the destination is worth it.

You’re More Valuable Than You Think

I appreciate Kristen sharing her story with me, and with us. I love inspirational stories like this because it shows all of us that we are bigger than our situations, and with the right mindset we can overcome anything against all odds.

This is why Career Development is so important, because it is a lifelong process. Your life is not over because of a mistake or a bad situation. Your life is never over until it is over. If you feel stuck for any reason, I want to remind you that you are more valuable than you think. Because you have today, right now, you can use today to begin to get unstuck.

At GUDEJob we have used the RESUME Concept to help people get unstuck and increase their own value. Sometimes it starts with a simple spark on how to become more valuable, or it is a series of encouragements that come often enough to help someone move from Point A to Point B. In any case, we are here to help.

You can download our free resource, How To Become More Valuable now.