Not Good Enough

Not Good Enough

You Are More Valuable Than You Think

That’s Crazy

On a Southwest plane ride home I discovered a free movie app and decided to watch Crazy Rich Asians. I never saw any reviews of the movie and knew nothing about it. In the movie, Rachael Chu, an economics professor in New York, is dating Nick Young, who she doesn’t know comes from a crazy rich Asian family. When Rachael finally meets Nick’s mom, Eleanor does a background check on Rachael and finds out that she’s a bastard child and not good enough for her son Nick.

Rachael is devastated. One, because she didn’t know the bastard child story; and two, because Eleanor would choose her heritage over her son’s happiness. The climax of the movie for me was when Rachael invites Eleanor to a mahjong parlor to tell Eleanor that Nick proposed to her, but she turned him down because he didn’t want him to hate his own mother. Rachael told Eleanor that when Nick does marry someone who Eleanor approves of, and when Eleanor is playing with her grandchildren, she (Eleanor) would have her (Rachael) to thank for all that, the girl who Eleanor thought was not good enough.

I thought, wow, that’s crazy. Rachael just turned Eleanor’s whole world around so that no matter what Eleanor does, she can never, ever forget Rachael.

Not Good Enough

Rachael’s response resonated with me as I painfully replayed repressed instances where I was made to feel not good enough: Chadwell & Kaiser that snubbed me because I didn’t have a degree at the time, Leslie Bilbro who wouldn’t give me a second date because I was living back at home during a transition period, and Andrew Bernstein who fired me when he took over as CEO because I wasn’t who he had in mind in the position I was in. This is only three of the many times I was made to feel like I wasn’t good enough.

Each time I was made to feel that wasn’t good enough, I did some soul searching to find out if it was true, if I wasn’t good enough. But then I came to this final conclusion: those people are crazy! And many of them are not even rich or Asian.

A psychiatrist friend of my, Dr. James, confirmed this by saying that when people try to make you feel that you are not good enough, what they are actually saying is that you are not able or willing to let them be as crazy as they really are without challenging their craziness. Dr. James gave me examples of controlling and abusive personalities, like Hitler.

So when someone tells you that you are not good enough, they are actually doing you a favor. They are giving you permission not to suffer under their tyrannical regime. I’m sure that those who exited Nazi Germany early on are glad they were not good enough to serve under Hitler.

I remember the time when I was told that I wasn’t good enough to be an Assistant Librarian. That incident caused me to go back to college and not only finish my undergraduate degree but also earn a Master’s Degree. So I have some advice for you when you’re faced with someone trying to tell you that you are not good enough.

GUDE Advice

Here are four things you need to have when combating anyone or anything trying to tell you that you are not good enough:

GRATITUDE

The first response you should have towards a Not-Good-Enough (NGE) attack is an attitude of gratitude. What? No, really. You should be grateful that the person is exposing themselves for who they are, a tyrant. You should also be grateful that you’re not getting into the boat with them, as was boxer Jack Johnson who was refused entry to the Titanic because he was black (although some say this story is not true).

Anyway, be grateful, because by not being good enough you get to miss all the tyrants and Titanics that come your way. When someone tries to tell me that I am not good enough for one reason or another (hey, you should see some of the comments on our YouTube Channel), my response is thank you, yes, okay, and I see. And then I go on being grateful that I don’t have to subscribe to their tyranny or Titanic journey.

UNDERSTANDING

Another response to NGE attacks is to consider the source. Take a look at the person who is trying to tell you that you are not good enough and see where they are and what they are doing in their lives. If their life sucks, who in the hell are they to tell you that you are not good enough?

A participant in one of our workshops had missed two sessions in a row, so I called her and asked her to come in. When we met, she told me that she was thinking about dropping out for personal reasons. During the conversation, she confided that her boyfriend who was in jail was telling her that going to the workshop for career development assistance was a waste of time because when he would take care her when he got out so she needed to spend her time focusing on him. And he wasn’t getting out for three years.

I convinced her to stay in the program which she did and finished and got a job and a career that allowed her to move on from the incarcerated boyfriend. What she had to understand was that her NGE attack was coming from someone in a position of no authority. Why listen to that?

Even if the person has a seemingly important position, that doesn’t give them the right to dictate who you are. Rich, famous, and important people kill themselves all the time, so having a truckload of money, being known by everyone in the world, or having tons of responsibility, does not mean that a person can give an accurate assessment of you.

In a report of successful CEO’s, their biggest regret during their retirement years was having failed in their marriages and family relationships. Their ex-wives and estranged children were not impressed with how much money they made for their companies. They may have a high position in their own world, but not necessarily in yours.

So when you’re under NGE attack, look at them and ask, who are you again? That’s understanding.

DETERMINATION

When you’re under NGE attack, you must engage in self-talk. Talk to yourself and tell yourself that no matter what this person is saying to you and about you, you will be determined not to let it derail you. Yes, it will affect you and may even knock you down, but afterward, be determined to get back up and not to let any NGE attack define you. You must get back up again.

If you are in a space where you feel that it is impossible to recover from NGE attacks, you should hear the story of Kristen in the article, Driving To Work. She was in an abusive relationship for 20 years, all the while getting NGE attacked. What helped her to move on and recover was the determination that if she didn’t move forward, her life would be over. Check out this inspiring article and gain encouragement from it.

Determination is making a decision and sticking with it. Today is a great day to decide not to allow NGE attacks to define who you really are inside. You can do it no matter where you are or where you’re starting from. Everyone I know who has looked back on this decision cannot believe how long they have allowed NGE attacks to derail them. You are more valuable than you think.

ENTHUSIASM

You may be thinking what does enthusiasm have to do with combating NGE attacks, but it is actually the core strategy that you need to claim ultimate victory over them. When you’re under NGE attacks, you can employ gratitude, understanding, and determination, but then you need fuel to move in a direction that leaves the NGE attack behind. That’s where enthusiasm comes in.

Find whatever it is that you love to do, that you’re passionate about, and if money weren’t an obstacle you would want to do it every waking moment. If you don’t know what that thing is now you need to go on a journey to find it. What are you good at doing? What do others commend you for? Does it help somebody else in a win-win situation? Are the results fun for you?

When you answer these questions, you are on the pathway to discovering that thing you can get passionate about which will fuel your enthusiasm that will thwart the NGE attacks.

I am inspired by examples like Illistine’s whose husband Duke left her and her two small children because she wasn’t good enough for him. After going through the gratitude, understanding, and determination stages of fending off the NGE attacks, Illistine rediscovered her passion for crocheting. She turned her passion into a hobby, then a business where she shares her love for crocheting with the world. Illistine doesn’t allow NGE attacks to derail her now. Instead, she leaves them behind where they belong as she turns passionately towards her crocheting business. Check out some of her work.

You too must find your passion and pursue it enthusiastically. Take time today to think about what you would love to be doing right now…and start doing it!

You’re More Valuable Than You Think

The acronym of the strategies that I just gave you spell out, G-U-D-E, for GUDEJob. That’s why we’re here, to encourage and equip you along your career development path.

Career Development is so important because it is a lifelong process. Your life is not over because of a mistake or a bad situation. Your life is never over until it is over. If you feel stuck because you are not where you want to be in your career, let me remind you that you are more valuable than you think. That is because you have today, right now, that you can use to begin the process to get unstuck.

At GUDEJob we have used the RESUME concept to help people get unstuck and increase their own value. Sometimes it starts with a simple spark on how to become more valuable, or it is a series of encouragements that come often enough to help someone move from Point A to Point B. In any case, we are here to help.

You can download our free resource, How To Become More Valuable now.

You can also subscribe to our YouTube Channel.

You are definitely more valuable that you think. By taking the very next step today, you will have just increased your value. Have a great day.